Finding Him for Myself: A Journey of Grace

Disclaimer
This post is my personal testimony. Everyone comes to know God in their own way and in their own timing. My beginning gave me structure, but it wasn’t what opened the door to a true relationship with Him. And that is okay. The foundation planted seeds, but God continued the work by leading me into something deeper. My hope in sharing is not to tear down but to encourage, and to show how building a personal relationship with Jesus has transformed my life.

For much of my life I did not truly understand what it meant to walk with God. I believed in Him, but I did not know how to lean on Him personally or build a close relationship with Him. That left an emptiness in me, a space that the world was quick to fill. I believed sayings like “follow your heart” and “speak it into existence,” even though Jeremiah 17:9 tells us the heart is deceitful above all things. I thought believing in God alone would be enough, yet I still carried a void that I tried to satisfy through what the world offered.

I was drawn to practices and ideas that promised peace and control, such as self-love mantras, manifesting, angel numbers, and trusting the universe. At the same time I absorbed cultural messages that told me strength was about independence, that traditional values were outdated, and that God’s design no longer fit modern life. Without realizing it, I was reshaping truth to fit my own desires, and it only left me emptier.

When I first stepped into a Christian church at the age of 16, it felt bittersweet. It was different from what I was used to, yet something inside me stirred with a desire to know more. I saw people worship with freedom, pray with sincerity, and speak of Jesus as if He was someone they knew closely. It was gentle yet powerful, and in that moment I realized faith was never meant to be routine. It was meant to be alive, transforming, and deeply personal.

As a Christian I have learned that we are all on our own journey and it is not something that happens overnight. The closer we grow to God, the harder the enemy works to attack our weaknesses and pull us back into what feels comfortable, even though it only leaves us hurt. I came to see that it is not church attendance that threatens the enemy but the renewal of the heart that only God can bring. Even in those moments God was patient, reminding me that true peace is found in Him alone.

Over time I began to understand the truth I now hold closely: faith is not transactional, it is transformational. Our world is transactional, always looking for what it can trade or gain, but God is not interested in deals. He desires to transform us from the inside out. Romans 12:2 calls us not to be conformed to the world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. True faith means surrendering our old lives and stepping into the new life He gives us in Christ. Transformation changes who we are and makes us living testimonies of His grace.

As I continued to grow, the Holy Spirit gently revealed areas of my life that I once thought were harmless but were actually pulling me away from Him. His conviction was not about shame but about love and protection. I began to see that He equips us with spiritual gifts, not for our recognition, but so that we can be a blessing to others.

Faith became less about rules and more about a living relationship with God. Through His conviction I saw that the things which once seemed fulfilling no longer satisfied my heart the way they used to. At times this change may come across as offensive to others, but it is not our duty to please people if it means sacrificing the well-being of our souls. What once felt heavy was transformed into love, freedom, and joy. God patiently redeemed my mistakes and showed me that His design is not outdated but a gift.

Especially in today’s world, where politics and culture twist Scripture and try to remove God from daily life, Christianity is often portrayed as a religion of hate. The truth is the opposite. At its heart, Christianity is rooted in love, a love that speaks truth, redeems, and never gives up on us. To be Christian is not about perfection, but about surrendering to God and allowing Him to transform us day by day into living testimonies of His grace.

This is the heart behind Her Graceful Pursuit. My desire is to remind women that faith is not about appearances or perfection, but about drawing near to the God who already knows and loves us.

What I Have Come to Understand as a Christian

Relationship over routine
Tradition gave me prayers and rituals, but I did not know how to truly speak to God for myself. As I grew in faith, I learned that He desires a living relationship, not memorized words. John 15:15 says that Jesus calls us friends, and friends share their hearts. A relationship with God is built through prayer, trust, and surrender, just like any meaningful bond grows through honesty and closeness. Our walk with Him is not meant to remain at our own understanding of life, but to be corrected daily so that we become more like Christ.

Grace through the cross
The cross I grew up with was the crucifix, with Jesus still hanging on it. It was a constant reminder of His suffering. But when I stepped into a Christian church, I saw the empty cross, and it showed me something I had never thought about before. The crucifix reflects the price He paid, but the empty cross declares the victory that He is risen. Ephesians 2:8 reminds me, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” The difference humbled me, because it showed me that salvation is not about what I can do, but about what He has already done.

The Holy Spirit as Helper
I once knew of the Holy Spirit, but I never knew Him personally. As I grew in faith I came to understand the promise in John 14:16, that the Father would send us the Helper to be with us forever. His presence walks with me each day, guiding me and convicting me in love. The closer I draw to God, the more I see how easy it is to cling to things the world calls normal but are not holy. The Spirit teaches me to let go of them so that I can live more fully in His truth.

Mary’s role
I once believed Mary was someone I had to pray to, but Scripture taught me that worship belongs to God alone. Mary was chosen by God to do His will and she is honored for her obedience, yet even she declared, “my spirit rejoices in God my Savior” (Luke 1:47). She too needed saving through Christ. We are called to pray only to the Father, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Mary’s life is a beautiful example to admire, but she was never meant to be the focus of our prayers or worship. There are many other women in the Bible who also demonstrate the beauty of honoring God through faith.

Baptism and confession
In the Christian church, babies are often presented to the congregation and prayed over as a blessing, but baptism itself is not something done for them. Instead, baptism is a personal choice, a step taken at an age when you are ready to declare your faith in Jesus. Romans 6:4 shows baptism as a public declaration of dying to the old self and rising in Christ. I once believed baptism as an infant or confessing to a priest was what made me right with God, but 1 John 1:9 reminded me that confession is made directly to Him, and He is faithful and just to forgive. Through Jesus, I came to understand that I have direct access to the Father.

I Learned That God Gives Us Spiritual Gifts to Be a Blessing
When we surrender to Christ, the Holy Spirit equips us with gifts that are not for our own recognition but to serve others and glorify God. These gifts include wisdom, teaching, encouragement, mercy, leadership, faith, healing, prophecy, and more. Each one works together to build up the body of Christ. This showed me that Christianity is not only about being saved, but also about being transformed and used as a vessel so others can encounter God’s love through us.

Unlearning certain parts of my upbringing and seeing what Scripture truly says has shaped my perspective in ways I never expected. These lessons have humbled me and reminded me that we desperately need God. On our own strength we are never enough, but in Him we find everything we need.